During the COVID-19 pandemic, one family took advantage of low cruise ship prices and booked a trip. Their journey was marked by unexpected challenges, including a flat tire on the way to the port and a malfunctioning propeller motor on the ship that led to canceled destinations. Despite these setbacks, their experience shifted their perspective on gratitude.
The family nearly missed boarding due to car trouble but arrived just in time. This close call influenced how they viewed subsequent disappointments during the cruise. Rather than focusing on missed ports, they were grateful simply to be on board.
Reflecting on this experience, the author—who is also a gratitude researcher—explores the concept of being thankful for things that did not happen. “Can you be grateful for something that didn’t actually happen? Can you thank others for something they didn’t do? Yes, and yes,” the author writes.
Philosophers refer to such scenarios as counterfactuals: imagining alternatives to actual events. The article suggests that considering what could have gone wrong but did not can foster gratitude. The author introduces the term “beneficial absences” to describe positive outcomes resulting from restraint or avoided misfortune.
Three types of beneficial absences are outlined:
1. **Could Have Been a Disaster (CBAD):** Thinking about worse scenarios that were avoided can increase thankfulness. Research cited indicates that people who reflect on narrowly avoided negative outcomes report higher levels of gratitude compared to those who focus only on positive experiences.
2. **Grace Through Withheld Criticism:** Gratitude can arise when someone chooses not to criticize or discipline when it would have been warranted. Studies show employees feel more grateful toward supervisors who are lenient out of kindness rather than favoritism.
3. **Help Not Given:** Sometimes withholding advice or assistance demonstrates respect for autonomy and can lead to feelings of gratitude.
The article encourages readers to strengthen their sense of gratitude by reflecting on beneficial absences in their own lives, asking questions such as: What almost went wrong but didn’t? Who has shown grace by withholding judgment?
In conclusion, gratitude extends beyond acknowledging visible acts; it also includes recognizing unspoken support and disasters narrowly avoided.
